_Elkaar_ means each other. You use it when two or more people do something to one another: _Sanne en Daan kennen elkaar_ (Sanne and Daan know each other). It has one form for everyone, and with a preposition you simply put the preposition in front: _met elkaar_, _naast elkaar_.
The pattern
When an action goes from one person to the other and back, use _elkaar_. It never changes form for the subject and stands where any other object stands.
- It refers to two or more people or things, usually the subject: _we_, _jullie_, _ze_, two or more names, or a group word such as _de hele familie_.
- One form for all: _we helpen elkaar_, _jullie helpen elkaar_, _ze helpen elkaar_.
- With a preposition, the preposition goes first: _met elkaar_ (with each other), _bij elkaar_ (together), _naast elkaar_ (next to each other). If the verb has a [fixed preposition](#/lesson/verbs-with-prepositions), keep it: _wachten op elkaar_.
- Without a preposition, _elkaar_ normally comes before the final verb, like other objects: _We hebben elkaar gisteren gezien._ A phrase with a preposition can also [follow the final verb](#/lesson/after-the-final-verb), especially in speech: _We hebben lang gepraat met elkaar._
- In relaxed speech many people say _mekaar_. Same meaning, but keep it for friends and chats, not for [formal situations](#/lesson/formal-informal).
Examples
| Sanne en Daan kennen elkaar van de universiteit. | Sanne and Daan know each other from university. |
|---|---|
| Mijn buren en ik helpen elkaar met de boodschappen als iemand ziek is. | My neighbours and I help each other with the shopping when someone is ill. |
| Fatima en Priya bellen elkaar elke zondagavond. | Fatima and Priya call each other every Sunday evening. |
| In de trein zaten Mei en Ahmed naast elkaar. | On the train, Mei and Ahmed sat next to each other. |
| Op een verjaardag zit de hele familie bij elkaar in een kring. | At a birthday party, the whole family sits together in a circle. |
| Op het werk hebben we met elkaar afgesproken dat niemand na zes uur nog mailt. | At work we agreed with each other that nobody sends emails after six. |
| Joris en Lotte wachten bij de ingang op elkaar. | Joris and Lotte are waiting for each other at the entrance. |
| Carlos en Emma zijn vorig jaar uit elkaar gegaan. | Carlos and Emma split up last year. |
| Zien we mekaar zaterdag bij Yara? | Will we see each other at Yara's on Saturday? |
Why it works this way
_Elkaar_ grew out of _elk ander_, literally each other, so both sides of the action are built into the word. The grammar term is reciprocal pronoun: a pronoun for an action that goes both ways.
In the [lesson on reflexive verbs](#/lesson/reflexive-verbs) you met _zich_, a reflexive pronoun (a word that points back at the subject itself). Picture arrows. With _zich_, every arrow curves back to the same person. With _elkaar_, the arrows cross over to the other person:
- _Bas en Yara verdedigen zich._ They each defend themselves.
- _Bas en Yara verdedigen elkaar._ They defend each other.
- _De buren praten over zichzelf._ The neighbours talk about themselves.
- _De buren praten over elkaar._ The neighbours talk about each other.
If you speak German or Spanish, take care here: German sich and Spanish se can mean both themselves and each other. Standard Dutch keeps the two apart, so for each other you use _elkaar_: _Wij kennen elkaar al jaren._
This also explains why _elkaar_ never changes with the subject. _Zich_, _ons_ and _je_ have to match the subject because they point back at it. _Elkaar_ always means the other people in the group, so there is nothing to match. One related form you will need is the possessive _elkaars_ (each other's): _Ze lenen elkaars fietsen._
A few combinations have become fixed expressions: _uit elkaar gaan_ (to split up), _drie dagen achter elkaar_ (three days in a row) and _door elkaar halen_ (to mix up), as in _Ik haal die twee woorden altijd door elkaar._
Remember: _zich_ is a mirror, _elkaar_ is a handshake.
Watch out
- Not: _Lotte en Bas zijn verliefd met elkaar._ Say: _Lotte en Bas zijn verliefd op elkaar._ (English says in love with, Dutch says _verliefd op_)
- Not: _We wachten voor elkaar._ Say: _We wachten op elkaar._ (English says wait for, Dutch says _wachten op_)
- Not: _We hebben gisteren gezien elkaar._ Say: _We hebben elkaar gisteren gezien._ (without a preposition, _elkaar_ comes before the final verb)
- Not: _We kennen elkaar's familie niet._ Say: _We kennen elkaars familie niet._ (no apostrophe, unlike English each other's)
Quick check
- Choose: _Fatima en Ahmed kennen (zich / elkaar) al tien jaar._ (They have known each other for ten years.)
- Choose: _Jullie zien (jullie / je / elkaar) morgen op het werk, toch?_ (You will see each other at work tomorrow, right?)
- Fix the sentence: _Mijn ouders houden na veertig jaar nog steeds elkaar._ (After forty years, my parents still love each other.)
- Choose for an email to your manager: _Ik hoop dat we (elkaar / mekaar) volgende week kunnen spreken._
Answers
- _elkaar_: they know each other, not themselves.
- _elkaar_: it means each other and has the same form after _jullie_ as after any other subject.
- _Mijn ouders houden na veertig jaar nog steeds van elkaar._ To love is _houden van_, and it keeps its _van_.
- _elkaar_: _mekaar_ is too informal for a work email.
Use it today
Write three true sentences with _elkaar_ about people around you: two neighbours, two colleagues, two friends. For example: _Mijn buurvrouw en ik groeten elkaar elke ochtend bij de fietsenstalling._ Then say them out loud once with _elkaar_ and once with _mekaar_.